OUTSIDER, Ken Kaneki

"A-ahem...

Today is January, 3rd, and from what I can tell, this world I woke up in is....different. It looks normal, it feels normal, but everything I've come to known is gone... Kamaii university, where I go to, has disappeared, and even Anteiku cease to exist anymore. At first I thought it was a dream, given these ludicrous circumstances, but it's not. No matter how many times I pinch myself, no matter how much water I splash on my face-- nothing changes. I tired asking around, hoping to get an idea as to where I am, and all I received was concerned stares, or glares from mothers trying to protect their children from me.

S-so, under the circumstances that I go insane from hunger, or if anything happens, I want to record my final moments of sanity. I-I want people to hear the real me for now, and maybe...Hide or Touka could be able to listen to these. Maybe they'll have a clue as to where I am if I were to go lost in this distant world.

*pause*

Um, well, anyways, for now I'll continue to ask... hopefully I'll get something out of it...."


"Today is February 28th, and I-I don't know what to do anymore. Left without a single friend with me, I try to strive for survival by finding a nice place to stay. I don't have much money, so it won't take long before I become homeless within these foreign streets...

*pause*

My god, I just want to be with everyone again... Hide, Touka, Hinami-- I even miss Nishiki a bit. The only things that keeps my sanity in check is this book I appeared here with; one of my favorite titles, The Black Goat's Egg. With this book I'm able to keep myself sane with solely these words the author have written for me, and by the few memories I hold dear of the place I would always read this book at; Anteiku. Ever since I began to work there, things changed for me. I made friends, I grew stronger, and....I wasn't alone. For those few months, I always felt alive, happy. I never grew lonesome, even when reminded of the death of my mother. If only I could go back to those days...."


"T-t-today is march 10th... It's been almost 3 months since I've eaten a thing, and I'm starving. I can't walk down the streets anymore--everytime I do, I always end up muttering the same words over again and again. I'm trying to control myself, I really am, but my hunger...it's growing by the day. I can even hear Rize's voice echo within my head, telling me to feast. To eat. I don't want to give in though. I can't. Murdering anyone, even for food, would make me a....a....murderer. *pause* I rather die than murder another human. Right now I'm trying to find an area where people choose to commit suicide, like Yomo used to do. But even if I do find such a place....would I be able to eat them? Even if they were dead....I don't think I can bring myself towards devouring anything resembling huma- *recorder drops* FLESH! FLESH, MAN, FLESH, WOMAN, FLESH, CHILD, FL-- NO! Stop! I-I can't!"

"Today is march 18th, and...and I can't take it anymore. Whenever I get even the slightest second of clarity from my hunger, I end up remembering how alone I am. With each step I take, I'm greeted with unfamiliar faces, and no matter how much I read this damn book, I don't feel any better. My loneliness...it's eating me alive along with my hunger for flesh. All I want to do is be myself again, to be with my friends again-- but these small requests now seem impossible for me... 


Maybe it's fate though. Maybe I'm bond to always be alone--no, I cannot think such things... because that's impossible, right...? No one is ever destined to be alone... please... I just need to hear their voices again... *sobs can be heard through the recorder now* 

...please..."

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